I have my last exam tomorrow.
I'll be collecting my leavers hoodie. Getting signitures to be taken of the CAMS system.
Basically, this time tomorrow I will no longer be a member of St Mary Redcliffe and Temple School/Sixth Form.
How scary is that????? Just a tad!
"There is no one older than a high school graduate, and no one younger than a college freshman"
After tomorrow I'll no longer be in education, I'll have to make a living, have money, find a place to live. Bascially. Tomorrow I become an adult. Wow. I'm far too young. It's all brand new from this point on, no experience I will have learnt through childhood.
Am I ready? Am I ready to go out into the world having no idea what lies ahead? I guess I have to be.
It's time to place it into the hands of the father. Jesus, my future is yours. Do with it as you will. I trust you and I love you. ♥
Monday 20 June 2011
glee 30 day challenge: day 18
Your least favourite character-
hummmmm.. probs Lauren. Maybe because she really cannot sing to save her life. And because I can't think of anyone else... :/
hummmmm.. probs Lauren. Maybe because she really cannot sing to save her life. And because I can't think of anyone else... :/
Sunday 19 June 2011
welcome to my life
"Welcome To My Life"
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place,
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you?
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you're screaming?
No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like (What it's like)
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
it's a bit ironic really. I don't know whether that's the point or not. But so many people see this as sort of an anthem to their life, and yet there are so many people feeling this way, so to say that no one knows what it feels like is a bit ridiculous. Is it wrong to use this song as an anthem to how I'm feeling now? Dialemma huh? I guess I just need to stop being so self-obsorbed.
I need to start focusing on lyrics like this though-
I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.
Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away
Chorus
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
♥
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place,
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you?
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you're screaming?
No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like (What it's like)
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
it's a bit ironic really. I don't know whether that's the point or not. But so many people see this as sort of an anthem to their life, and yet there are so many people feeling this way, so to say that no one knows what it feels like is a bit ridiculous. Is it wrong to use this song as an anthem to how I'm feeling now? Dialemma huh? I guess I just need to stop being so self-obsorbed.
I need to start focusing on lyrics like this though-
I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.
Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away
Chorus
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
♥
Mizzzzzz
I'm miz. Very very very sad. You wouldn't believe it.
I've spent the last weeks doing either constant revision or watching over three seasons worth of the OC. Not that I'm complaining cause like.. I need to do well in my exams and I kinda love the OC. Have you watched it before? It's hilarious. :) And Seth is gorgeous, and hilarious. I have so much love for him. ANYWAY. not the point. But not one friend had bothered to keep in contact when it had nothing to do with revish. I'm sure everyone is busy with exams too and everything, but it still sucks. I have this complex where I see pretty much everything through my rejection glasses, in which all I can see right now is everyone gone. :/ It really hurts. I miss all my friends. I hate being on my own, it rattles my brain in depressive manners and it's really not healthy. I need to find something to do with my life. and fast.
God, give me the strength to make it through this next week, please. Cause I really can't take it anymore. In Jesus name, Amen. ♥
I've spent the last weeks doing either constant revision or watching over three seasons worth of the OC. Not that I'm complaining cause like.. I need to do well in my exams and I kinda love the OC. Have you watched it before? It's hilarious. :) And Seth is gorgeous, and hilarious. I have so much love for him. ANYWAY. not the point. But not one friend had bothered to keep in contact when it had nothing to do with revish. I'm sure everyone is busy with exams too and everything, but it still sucks. I have this complex where I see pretty much everything through my rejection glasses, in which all I can see right now is everyone gone. :/ It really hurts. I miss all my friends. I hate being on my own, it rattles my brain in depressive manners and it's really not healthy. I need to find something to do with my life. and fast.
God, give me the strength to make it through this next week, please. Cause I really can't take it anymore. In Jesus name, Amen. ♥
Glee 30 day challenge: days 14,15,16,17
Fun fun fun! Exams stressing me out. Hence the lack of posting recently. let's continue all this shall we?
Day 14- A scene/moment that made you happy
When Finnchel get back together!! :)
Day 15- The couple you ship the MOST
Finnchel. Blates!! I have a lottttttta love for Puck and Quinn espesh.
Day 16- Your favorite episode
Blame it on the Alcohol.
Day 17- Your least favorite episode
Home
Day 14- A scene/moment that made you happy
When Finnchel get back together!! :)
Day 15- The couple you ship the MOST
Finnchel. Blates!! I have a lottttttta love for Puck and Quinn espesh.
Day 16- Your favorite episode
Blame it on the Alcohol.
Day 17- Your least favorite episode
Home
Wednesday 15 June 2011
glee 30 day challenge: days 12 and 13
I really do suck at this don't I?! boooooooooo.
A scene/moment that pissed you off
so many moments made me angry- most of them when Quinn is being a complete bitch! Deffo when she's lying to Finn about her baby. Espesh this season when she was yelling at Rachel about how she was never gonna be with Finn. booo -_-
A scene/moment that made you cry
Ohhh deffo when Sue's sister died and they had the funeral! The whole episode was very sad :( And when they sang 'pure imagination' :) Beautttts.
A scene/moment that pissed you off
so many moments made me angry- most of them when Quinn is being a complete bitch! Deffo when she's lying to Finn about her baby. Espesh this season when she was yelling at Rachel about how she was never gonna be with Finn. booo -_-
A scene/moment that made you cry
Ohhh deffo when Sue's sister died and they had the funeral! The whole episode was very sad :( And when they sang 'pure imagination' :) Beautttts.
Monday 13 June 2011
Glee 30 day challenge: day 8, 9, 10 and 11 ♥
Yeah I've had exams. I kinda suck at this don't I? woops :/
♥favourite quinn/puck moment
Beautiful:) When Quinn has just given birth and she is like.. did you love me? And he goes.. "especially when you gave birth." - awwwwwwwwh:)
♥favourite kurt/mercedes moment
Ohhh I have no idea :/ They're not as good this season which sucks! But deffo the whole phase while they're Cheerios! Fun fun fun:)
♥favourite will/emma moment
Ohhh I have no idea! :/ Toucha Toucha Touch me was definately a highlight- mainly because it was hilarious and Mr Schue's abs are HOTTTTT!
♥favorite sue sylvester moment
hahahahahaha. deffo blame it on the alcohol where she spends the whole time telling Will he's an alcoholic! ♥♥ HILARIOUS.
♥favourite quinn/puck moment
Beautiful:) When Quinn has just given birth and she is like.. did you love me? And he goes.. "especially when you gave birth." - awwwwwwwwh:)
♥favourite kurt/mercedes moment
Ohhh I have no idea :/ They're not as good this season which sucks! But deffo the whole phase while they're Cheerios! Fun fun fun:)
♥favourite will/emma moment
Ohhh I have no idea! :/ Toucha Toucha Touch me was definately a highlight- mainly because it was hilarious and Mr Schue's abs are HOTTTTT!
♥favorite sue sylvester moment
hahahahahaha. deffo blame it on the alcohol where she spends the whole time telling Will he's an alcoholic! ♥♥ HILARIOUS.
Thursday 9 June 2011
Glee 30 day challenge: day 7
Your favourite Tina/Artie moment:
Man this takes me back a season! Weird times.. they're deffo not as cute as Tina and Mike though I'm afraid....
hum. Let's see- I really enjoyed the whole of the "wheels" episode :)
Where Tina told him about how much she admired him and then Artie goes: "just to let you know, I still have perfect use of my penis!" and then she just runs away! LOL joker :)
Man this takes me back a season! Weird times.. they're deffo not as cute as Tina and Mike though I'm afraid....
hum. Let's see- I really enjoyed the whole of the "wheels" episode :)
Wednesday 8 June 2011
Glee 30 day challenge: days 5 & 6
Yeah I did so much revish yesters so I didn't have time to do it so I'll just do them both in one go :)
Your favourite duet:
not gonna lie, it's absolutely beautiful! :) I just got it on my ipod and I've listened to it a million times over already!
Your favourite Rachel/Finn moment:
hummmmmmmmmmmmmm.. this is difficult. Because they have some pretty great scenes together!
But on monday's episode, where he realised he was in love with her and got her that lilly.. I cried. It was beautiful. I can't WAIT for them to get back together! But this scene is hilarious so I'm gonna go for that!
Your favourite duet:
not gonna lie, it's absolutely beautiful! :) I just got it on my ipod and I've listened to it a million times over already!
Your favourite Rachel/Finn moment:
hummmmmmmmmmmmmm.. this is difficult. Because they have some pretty great scenes together!
But on monday's episode, where he realised he was in love with her and got her that lilly.. I cried. It was beautiful. I can't WAIT for them to get back together! But this scene is hilarious so I'm gonna go for that!
Monday 6 June 2011
Glee 30 day challenge: day 4
Okay this is gonna have to be fast cause my dad is turning off the internet so I'm gonna say this:
Saturday 4 June 2011
Glee 30 day challenge: day 3
Your favourite group performance.
hummmm there are far too many! I think this one is the cutest thing in the world though so I'll go for this:
♥♥♥♥
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I love it :) It is literally the top played on my ipod. :)
hummmm there are far too many! I think this one is the cutest thing in the world though so I'll go for this:
♥♥♥♥
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I love it :) It is literally the top played on my ipod. :)
you also gotta have this one though:
'cause it's pretty much the ultimate♥
Okay I think that's it.
Friday 3 June 2011
Glee 30 day challenge: day 2
Favourite male character:
okay. I don't even need to think about this. I mean, they're all so adorable, but there is only one that is so megafoxyawesomehot that he beats every other guy to ever exist...
Blaine Anderson♥
I'm sorry. This man is absolutely gorgeous ♥ Have you seen him in a very potter musical? I loved him even before he was in glee, and then Blaine is just the loveliest person in the world and amazing. Basics. I would totally want him to marry me! He says the cutest things to Kurt and he's hilarious and generally the greatest character there ever was. And Darren Criss, the guy who plays him- is straight in real life! WIN. :) And he spends his time covering disney songs, which basically makes him a GOD. Phwoar. I really really REALLY love this guy. Basics.
okay. I don't even need to think about this. I mean, they're all so adorable, but there is only one that is so megafoxyawesomehot that he beats every other guy to ever exist...
Blaine Anderson♥
Thursday 2 June 2011
Desires
I need patience.
It's weird, for years I just assumed I never really a desire to do much at all over the years, I always changed my mind over who I wanted to be when I was older, and just generally never had a clue.
So when I started doing a bible study which focused in on the desires of our hearts, I generally had no clue. And it was rather sad.
But then I was reading this book and I realised that actually, my innate desire to be a wife and a mother was actually a God given desire, and it was okay for that being my goal in life. To bless my husband and care for my children. That and to sing, but that's about it. My life has always been best when I know that everyone around me is doing alright. I say it a lot and I don't think people realise this, but actually, my friends come before everything. Except God obvs. :) I genuinely am happiest when I know I've helped them cheer them up, or encouraged them in their spiritual journey, or just in general. So serving people is what I love to do.
However, when I realised that this desire was a God given one and was actually okay, it made it worse. I'm impatient, I just want to be married already! Everytime I see a kid or a baby my heart just breaks inside because I don't have any yet. It's ridiculous. :( I seriously need some patience, and hope that it's all going to be simply fine. I don't really have a message for this particular post, it's just how I'm feeling at this particular moment.
It's weird, for years I just assumed I never really a desire to do much at all over the years, I always changed my mind over who I wanted to be when I was older, and just generally never had a clue.
So when I started doing a bible study which focused in on the desires of our hearts, I generally had no clue. And it was rather sad.
But then I was reading this book and I realised that actually, my innate desire to be a wife and a mother was actually a God given desire, and it was okay for that being my goal in life. To bless my husband and care for my children. That and to sing, but that's about it. My life has always been best when I know that everyone around me is doing alright. I say it a lot and I don't think people realise this, but actually, my friends come before everything. Except God obvs. :) I genuinely am happiest when I know I've helped them cheer them up, or encouraged them in their spiritual journey, or just in general. So serving people is what I love to do.
However, when I realised that this desire was a God given one and was actually okay, it made it worse. I'm impatient, I just want to be married already! Everytime I see a kid or a baby my heart just breaks inside because I don't have any yet. It's ridiculous. :( I seriously need some patience, and hope that it's all going to be simply fine. I don't really have a message for this particular post, it's just how I'm feeling at this particular moment.
boo
http://starfury.co.uk/
A FLIPPING GLEE CONVENTION.
anyone who knows me at all well, will understand that this is like, my dream home. BUT I HAVE NO MONEY :( I could cry. Literally. It's £90- which I would totally spend if I had the money. I HATE BEING POOR. Let's pray I get a job between now and a month and a half's time.. and that it doesn't sell out!
I really actually want a star ticket- which is like backstage etc! But that's over £100.
Life really does suck sometimes..
A FLIPPING GLEE CONVENTION.
anyone who knows me at all well, will understand that this is like, my dream home. BUT I HAVE NO MONEY :( I could cry. Literally. It's £90- which I would totally spend if I had the money. I HATE BEING POOR. Let's pray I get a job between now and a month and a half's time.. and that it doesn't sell out!
I really actually want a star ticket- which is like backstage etc! But that's over £100.
Life really does suck sometimes..
Some awesome songs.
Basically, I'm procrastinating horrendously. So here I am :) Basics, I'm gonna put some of my favey songs on here right now. Just because I felt like it. :)
I think I'll do something like this once a week. win :)
RIGHT. MUST GET TO WORK NOW.
I think I'll do something like this once a week. win :)
RIGHT. MUST GET TO WORK NOW.
Big Questions
BIG QUESTION! oooooh.
"Why does God send people to hell?"
I honestly can't answer this question, but I was doing my Bible study a few days ago and they tried to take a whack at it. And I quite liked this belief so I thought I would share it :) Please ignore the cheesiness of it all, it is a teenage bible study book.
"Hi, Pastor Steve," Lucy said in the hallway after youth group. Um... there's something on my mind I'd like to talk with you about if you have a few minutes."
"Sure!" Pastor Steve said on the way into his office. "Grab a chair."
"I've been trying to share my faith at school, but sometimes my friends throw questions at me that I just can't answer. One of them is about hell."
"Let's hear it," Pastor Steve encouraged.
"Well, we always talk about how God is so good. But how can a loving God send people to hell?"
"Lucy, that's a great question! And a lot of non-believers get tripped up on it. First of all, God really is a God of love. He loves each one of us so much that he gave his only Son to die in our place so we wouldn't have to! But we have to accept his death as a gift."
"But still... since we know he loves us so much, why would he send us to hell?"
"Well, he loves us so much, he gives us freedom of choice. Would it be genuine love if God forced us to accept his gift of eternal life?"
Lucy thought for a second. "No, I guess not," she concluded.
"Right," Pastor Steve continued. "But in giving us free choice also comes the reality that many people will choose not to serve Christ. They'll follow the world and do their own thing."
"And those are people who will spend their eternity in hell?"
"All people who have not repented of their sins and accepted Christ as their personal Saviour. And Lucy, that's not just murderers and drug pushers. That's me, too!"
"What are you talking about, Pastor Steve?"
"We're all in the same boat," he explained. "Every single one of us was born with sin. So if I had never repented and asked Christ to forgive me, I'd be headed for hell too."
"So what you're saying is that a lot of good people- not necessarily criminals- will go to hell if they choose to ignore God."
"Exactly," Pastor Steve said.
"So it's not that God is deliberately sending people to hell," Lucy summed up. "He has clearly provided a way to escape hell by simply following him."
"Right, Lucy. God doesn't send anyone to hell. We send ourselves there."
I know that brings up even more questions, but I quite liked the whole free choice thing and genuine love of God. :) Yup.
"Why does God send people to hell?"
I honestly can't answer this question, but I was doing my Bible study a few days ago and they tried to take a whack at it. And I quite liked this belief so I thought I would share it :) Please ignore the cheesiness of it all, it is a teenage bible study book.
"Hi, Pastor Steve," Lucy said in the hallway after youth group. Um... there's something on my mind I'd like to talk with you about if you have a few minutes."
"Sure!" Pastor Steve said on the way into his office. "Grab a chair."
"I've been trying to share my faith at school, but sometimes my friends throw questions at me that I just can't answer. One of them is about hell."
"Let's hear it," Pastor Steve encouraged.
"Well, we always talk about how God is so good. But how can a loving God send people to hell?"
"Lucy, that's a great question! And a lot of non-believers get tripped up on it. First of all, God really is a God of love. He loves each one of us so much that he gave his only Son to die in our place so we wouldn't have to! But we have to accept his death as a gift."
"But still... since we know he loves us so much, why would he send us to hell?"
"Well, he loves us so much, he gives us freedom of choice. Would it be genuine love if God forced us to accept his gift of eternal life?"
Lucy thought for a second. "No, I guess not," she concluded.
"Right," Pastor Steve continued. "But in giving us free choice also comes the reality that many people will choose not to serve Christ. They'll follow the world and do their own thing."
"And those are people who will spend their eternity in hell?"
"All people who have not repented of their sins and accepted Christ as their personal Saviour. And Lucy, that's not just murderers and drug pushers. That's me, too!"
"What are you talking about, Pastor Steve?"
"We're all in the same boat," he explained. "Every single one of us was born with sin. So if I had never repented and asked Christ to forgive me, I'd be headed for hell too."
"So what you're saying is that a lot of good people- not necessarily criminals- will go to hell if they choose to ignore God."
"Exactly," Pastor Steve said.
"So it's not that God is deliberately sending people to hell," Lucy summed up. "He has clearly provided a way to escape hell by simply following him."
"Right, Lucy. God doesn't send anyone to hell. We send ourselves there."
I know that brings up even more questions, but I quite liked the whole free choice thing and genuine love of God. :) Yup.
Glee 30 day challenge. day 1.
DAY 1.
I tried to do this before on facebook- but I couldn't find the questions and so I just gave up. But I'm gonna do it again now I thinks. Just because it's fun. And I LOVE glee. Literally so much ♥
Favourite Female Character
Okay, not gonna lie, I have two! Obviously my first is the best character there is:
Rachel Berry♥
Born on the 18th December 1993 in Ohio. :)
I love her. Basically, I think she is utterly fantastic and hilarious. Her voice is beyond amazing, and basically, if she were a real person and I lived in Ohio, I would totally be her friend. She reminds me a little bit of myself, but hopefully not too much because she can be incredibly self-centered at times , like when she sent sunshine to a crack house so she wouldn't join the glee club, that was ridiculous. But I still love her so much. And she is lovely really- "I realised being a star didn't make me feel as special as being your friend. If I'd let you down when you needed me the most, then I'd never forgive myself." So it's alllll good :)
But the real reason I love her are for these few performances:
I'm annoyed the videos are so small but basically, I love her.
http://www.fanpop.com/spots/rachel-berry/
and then secondly
Santana Lopez ♥
Born on the 24th March 1994 :)
Basics. She is hilarious, and a complete bitch but she her lines are just so classic she is my fave. Plus apart from Rachel she deffo has the best voice out of them all, and it's always so funny to listen to her. "Everyone knows that my job here is to look hot!" lol :) She's just a bit of a joker really.
OKAY. I'm gonna stop now :)
I tried to do this before on facebook- but I couldn't find the questions and so I just gave up. But I'm gonna do it again now I thinks. Just because it's fun. And I LOVE glee. Literally so much ♥
Favourite Female Character
Okay, not gonna lie, I have two! Obviously my first is the best character there is:
Born on the 18th December 1993 in Ohio. :)
I love her. Basically, I think she is utterly fantastic and hilarious. Her voice is beyond amazing, and basically, if she were a real person and I lived in Ohio, I would totally be her friend. She reminds me a little bit of myself, but hopefully not too much because she can be incredibly self-centered at times , like when she sent sunshine to a crack house so she wouldn't join the glee club, that was ridiculous. But I still love her so much. And she is lovely really- "I realised being a star didn't make me feel as special as being your friend. If I'd let you down when you needed me the most, then I'd never forgive myself." So it's alllll good :)
But the real reason I love her are for these few performances:
I'm annoyed the videos are so small but basically, I love her.
http://www.fanpop.com/spots/rachel-berry/
and then secondly
Santana Lopez ♥
Born on the 24th March 1994 :)
OKAY. I'm gonna stop now :)
Wednesday 1 June 2011
I praise you Lord for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..:)
I'm not gonna lie and say I've found the above verse easy to comprehend. Despite what people may think.. I have never thought very much of myself until very recently.
But. I was on my God walk this week and Suddenly it occured to me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made! I mean, look at nature, have you SEEN how beautiful it is?? And yet, us measely humans, we are made in the LIKENESS of our heavenly father! God has put his own image into humankind, which means that we reflect part of God's glory by simply being alive! That's a pretty insane thought! If we think that the world is beautiful- then think of how much more we are just because we share a small likeness in the creator! We are the Lord's masterpiece, the reason for creation in the first place! Wow....
But here I am, for years I used to think I was ugly, and other hideous things about myself, but actually, here is a truth I have learnt, and one I want to share with all of you..
WE, YOU, are God's MASTERPIECE, the one thing that God created to hold more beauty than anything else in the entire world. So here's a challenge: next time you see something that's really beautiful- think to yourself that God thinks you are even more beautiful! And watch your opinion of yourself start to change to truth.. slowly. But surely. You are more beautiful than even this...
But. I was on my God walk this week and Suddenly it occured to me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made! I mean, look at nature, have you SEEN how beautiful it is?? And yet, us measely humans, we are made in the LIKENESS of our heavenly father! God has put his own image into humankind, which means that we reflect part of God's glory by simply being alive! That's a pretty insane thought! If we think that the world is beautiful- then think of how much more we are just because we share a small likeness in the creator! We are the Lord's masterpiece, the reason for creation in the first place! Wow....
But here I am, for years I used to think I was ugly, and other hideous things about myself, but actually, here is a truth I have learnt, and one I want to share with all of you..
WE, YOU, are God's MASTERPIECE, the one thing that God created to hold more beauty than anything else in the entire world. So here's a challenge: next time you see something that's really beautiful- think to yourself that God thinks you are even more beautiful! And watch your opinion of yourself start to change to truth.. slowly. But surely. You are more beautiful than even this...
now try and comprehend that! It's a pretty big deal huh? Yeah.. that's what I thought too!
I love people!
Okay. So these photos probably have no context yet! But they will do soon. I hope!
Okay. Right. That's the second line I've started with the word okay! Woops :/ Rightyho. Let's do this!
So basically, just now my lovely friend Ellie posted some photos of my CU fam (the ones just above) at our last ever CU and it made me really sad so I thought I'd write a post about how much I love people! Basics.
I have the greatest friends in the world, they make me laugh an insane amount and I'm learning to lean on them for support and their prayers have certainly got me through a lot during this last year of freedom! I have the most wonderful support group who certainly deserve the world.
Basically, a thing to learn about me- once people are in my life, I find it very hard to let go. But not just that, it means that basically- I care about them a lot. Every single friend of mine I would literally take a bullet for, and that's no exaggeration! I don't give them any way near the attention that they deserve! I've been out of school and out of face-to-face contact for less than a week and I already miss them all so much! It's insane the amout of love I have for them. So if anyone of my friends is reading this I just wanted you to know- if you ever need anything EVER, no matter what the hour or the day, literally gimme a text or anything and I will make it my number one priority to pray for you and give you all the lovely texts about how highly I think of you until you feel all better :)
Plus if any of you need a good old chat- organise a starbucks hour with me- it's seriously one of my favourite pastimes! Something about that place just gives me so much joy, I always end up laughing so much and I like to share that joy with people. :)
I can see why God made all of you people- you guys are all completely individual and I have so much love for every single one of you! Stay in touch please :) I'll add some more photos of friends not in the CUfam- just because I love my friendship group too and just as equally! Okay. LOVE YOU GUYS. SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO (i think you get the picture!) MUCH XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Disclaimer: I knew I'd forget people if I started doing individual photos so I just put some of my favorite group photos in- if you are one of my besties and are not in this post then I apologise profusely! It was not intentional! Lots and Lots of love ♥♥♥♥
So there we go..
I have no idea how productve that was.. but either way. That is what happened! I've been healed! WAYO,
So that's just a bit of background to everything that's happened over the years. But basically- one day I was in this prophecy clinic and one of the pictures was me being given this giant megaphone and it was basically like. God is giving me a voice! Use it. So here I am using it. I don't know how often I'll use it to write Christian musings, but either way I'll just be voicing my opinion on whatever I feel like on that particular day!
Right now there's been one main thing on my mind. These two verses:
"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you." Jeremiah 39 something. And Proverbs 3:5-6- "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, and he will make your paths straight."
So basically- about err... 4 months ago God told me one of his plans. This is not something I am going to share, mainly because it's personal and because actually the point of the plan is not really important to what I have to say. :)
This plan was a big one, a VERY big one, one of which completely freaked me out, and still does scare me slightly. So naturally, I began to test this plan, like.. "God if this is really gonna happen then you'll do this.. ___" and I've done that so many times it's ridiculous. And every.single.time. God has done that particular thing. And then when talking about it other people had the some convinction I had, and were suprised by the circumstances I expained about it all.
And now suddenly, when I thought everything was working to the main purpose, there was something else that needed to be sorted first, and basically, the whole thing has ruined itself. The reasons it has ruined were all perfectly sound, but nevertheless, things aren't going the way I really wanted them to. And I've been going on my God walks asking God why he wants me to this to me, and he's given me the same two verses each time. (if you hadn't realised.. it's the two verses I wrote at the beginning of this post) Just because things aren't going the way I want them to go doesn't mean it's not going to happen. I'm not to lean on my own understanding and assume it's going to happen the way I wanted them to, but actually trust God and the path will open up, even if its not the way I originally planned. God has plans for each of us, plans that surpass anything we could ever imagine for ourselves, and we've got to trust in this, and follow his lead.
Things still haven't improved in this particular situation, but actually, God's really become more real now I'm starting to trust him more.
So basically.
Let God be the one that leads your plans, trust his plans, know that this is the correct path to take because, let's be honest here- he's the one who knows us better than ourselves! And he's infinitely wiser than we could ever be, and just generally knows the better path to take. This plans are to prosper us and not to harm us, so let's TRUST in these plans and everything is going to be just fine. He gave us this promise, let's learn to hold onto it shall we?! :)
This is a song that I've learned to love so much these last few weeks, so I just thought I would share it :) Because it's amazing and everyone should listen to it! >>>
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AR4CCLnmf1Q
So that's just a bit of background to everything that's happened over the years. But basically- one day I was in this prophecy clinic and one of the pictures was me being given this giant megaphone and it was basically like. God is giving me a voice! Use it. So here I am using it. I don't know how often I'll use it to write Christian musings, but either way I'll just be voicing my opinion on whatever I feel like on that particular day!
Right now there's been one main thing on my mind. These two verses:
"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you." Jeremiah 39 something. And Proverbs 3:5-6- "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, and he will make your paths straight."
So basically- about err... 4 months ago God told me one of his plans. This is not something I am going to share, mainly because it's personal and because actually the point of the plan is not really important to what I have to say. :)
This plan was a big one, a VERY big one, one of which completely freaked me out, and still does scare me slightly. So naturally, I began to test this plan, like.. "God if this is really gonna happen then you'll do this.. ___" and I've done that so many times it's ridiculous. And every.single.time. God has done that particular thing. And then when talking about it other people had the some convinction I had, and were suprised by the circumstances I expained about it all.
And now suddenly, when I thought everything was working to the main purpose, there was something else that needed to be sorted first, and basically, the whole thing has ruined itself. The reasons it has ruined were all perfectly sound, but nevertheless, things aren't going the way I really wanted them to. And I've been going on my God walks asking God why he wants me to this to me, and he's given me the same two verses each time. (if you hadn't realised.. it's the two verses I wrote at the beginning of this post) Just because things aren't going the way I want them to go doesn't mean it's not going to happen. I'm not to lean on my own understanding and assume it's going to happen the way I wanted them to, but actually trust God and the path will open up, even if its not the way I originally planned. God has plans for each of us, plans that surpass anything we could ever imagine for ourselves, and we've got to trust in this, and follow his lead.
Things still haven't improved in this particular situation, but actually, God's really become more real now I'm starting to trust him more.
So basically.
Let God be the one that leads your plans, trust his plans, know that this is the correct path to take because, let's be honest here- he's the one who knows us better than ourselves! And he's infinitely wiser than we could ever be, and just generally knows the better path to take. This plans are to prosper us and not to harm us, so let's TRUST in these plans and everything is going to be just fine. He gave us this promise, let's learn to hold onto it shall we?! :)
This is a song that I've learned to love so much these last few weeks, so I just thought I would share it :) Because it's amazing and everyone should listen to it! >>>
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AR4CCLnmf1Q
Number One.
Okay. I haven't blogged in a very long time. Not really since I got healed, but I keep getting all these thoughts, and I have no one to share them with, so I decided to put them into a blog. Cause I'm cool like that :) OOoh change of colour! That's a little bit exciting. Soooooo.. as I started writing this post I had a very sudden need to share my testimony. As a lot of these posts will probably be Christian I guess it'll make sense for it to have a context for those who are reading it. So yeah. Okay let's write my testimony. It's pretty long so if you're reading this I apologise in advance. Also I tend to go off on tangents sometimes so if I do that well.. I'm sorry! But you might as well know before I start so you can just skim at that point until you make it back to the general gist of things.
OKAY. LET'S BEGIN. AND CHANGE FONT. 'CAUSE I'M COOL LIKE THAT.
Sarah Louise Parsons' testimony.
Win! Oh wait I don't want it big or in this colour! Damnit. Hold on...
Better? Okay. Let's begin. Actually I should probs bring my laptop chord in here so I can write without my laptop turning off randomly.
Right, let's start from the beginning shall we? Okay!
Since I was a little girl, I spent a lot of time being made fun of, being bullied by my whole class in primary school, I can still picture my supposed best friends running off to the other side of the playground just to point and laugh at me, which I know sounds slightly pathetic, but when you are 4 years old and you have no friends, this kinda thing was a huge deal! And things at home were, err.. let's say; not ideal! I'm not going to spend time slating my family, because I love them all to bits and we actually all get along terribly well. Circumstances just didn't make functioning all that easy. But while I'm here, I just want to say that actually I couldn't have asked for a more supporting and loving family. They have given me so much joy over the years and I love them so much. But as I previously said, things weren't going so well at home. So basically, from a young age I never really understood what it meant to be loved or to have anyone love me.
I was brought up as a Christian and have always understood the basics of Christianity, that Jesus died for my sins. It was something I simply lived in the reality of rather than truly understood. But even since I was a little girl Jesus was someone I was sincerely passionate about. My mum has repreated many a time when I would run around asking people whether they knew Jesus, and tell them off for saying xmas instead of CHRISTmas, which makes me smile. Despite making many a person uncomfortable. But either way, Jesus was always my number 1.
But despite my strong faith, I still was miserable, bullying had got a lot worse to that of reception years, being asked why I was even still around because everyone in the year hated me. I used to cry practically every day at home, and my dad decided that I needed to learn to stand up for myself, so refused to let my sister stand up for me. So one day when I came home to find my dad shouting at my elder sister for trying to tell those of my year off I decided that meant they obviously felt the same way everyone I knew felt, which I now know to be completely false.
Then I went to secondary school, and was given the chance to become a person that didn't cry all the time. Unfortunately, I became insanely loud and rather hyper, so although I thought I was really cool and hilarious, most people just found my annoying. So I never really had any friends then either. Over the years I calmed down though, thank goodness for that! But as I started making new friends I also entered into teenage girl world, which is naturally a lot of bitching! And found out that a lot of my friends secretly hated me. With one of them actually sending emails round to all my friendship group asking how to get rid of me, as just one example of what went on during those years.
So when (oh no now I need code names for privacy purposes. damnit. okay. let's call this boy clive) Clive came along in year 9, I finally learnt what it was like to have a true friend. It was life-changing. Things were getting caotic at home, and my depression was in its early days. And he was there for me, in a way that I never previously experienced. So naturally I became rather attached to this particular friendship. Clive made my smile more than I had ever known possible, and made me feel like I finally had worth. And he practically became my idol. This I know to be truth, and although I am utterly ashamed by this fact, I'm not gonna lie and pretend this was not the case. I still knew God and considered myself a Christian, but I still didn't know God's love or his friendship.
But a depencing on Clive was unhealthy, and eventually this had to change. When I realised I was going to lose this valid friendship my world went into ruin. I was so afraid of losing the one thing that had ever made me feel good about myself that I clung on, and in this process my depression began. I quickly downspiralled into a world of suicide and depression. I'm not gonna go into details, mainly because it is still incredibly scaring, but to say the least, it is the worst feeling in the world. I felt isolated, I felt so awful, I lost hope in the world, and I cried almost everyday, I didn't have the energy to do anything, and for two years I yelled at God asking why he would do this to me, still clearly not understanding his true nature. I hated the world, but I still had Clive. He, naively, believed he was the cause of my depression, and therefore took it upon himself to save me. And before long, he realised it wasn't working. Our friendship was not healthy, in forthsight I understand this now. And it had to end at one point. At which it did. And I was heartbroken, but God had hold of me.
And slowly, but surely, I was making my way home, back into the arms of the maker of the universe.
It took me a very long time to finally let go of that friendship, to enter into a world with no depency on anyone, and I was still very much in the midst of depression, but I was returning to church, and praying for a way out. And then one day, I went for a walk by my house. Screaming at God I asked for some hope, a glimse at what life could be, and then I look up in the pouring rain, and this single cloud opened, and the sun shone for all of 5 minutes, and this massive rainbow appears right before my eyes. And in that 5 minutes, hope began to arise. And from that point onwards the cloud over my life was lifting. After spiritual counselling, God healed me. That cloud disapeered completely, and although I had no idea what to do with myself, I no longer was depressed, I no longer wanted to end my life, I no longer felt I miserable. I opened my heart to God, and gave him everything within me, and he lifted me out of that hole. He'd been wanting to do it for ages, I just never gave him the chance.
And ever since then he has blessed me eternally. It took me 17 years of solid trying to realise that God really did love me, and I've been reeping in the joys of Christianity ever since! God's given me a plan for my life; to become a counsellor.
I still have struggles, I don't trust anyone. At all. Except God that is, I'm still very lonely, and I see life very much through my rejection glasses, but it's okay:) I have hope in Jesus and his glory through healing me has shown me quite how real he is.
I know, in my heart, that I would never have gotten out of depression on my own. Those close to me at the time will know this, I was literally out of control. Only God could have gotten me out, and that is how I know of is love for me, and his existence. Christianity is someone I have simply always lived in the reality of. But I know it to be true, and I have found such hope in it.
I can understand why some people have a problem with Christianity, some guy says he's God and we're all supposed to just believe it? Yeah just a bit skeptical... but actually I just encourage you to read the BIBLE and pray and just explore Christianity in its fulness. Or Just read the shack. It just makes sense when you see it in its purest form, and see the power it has over peoples lives.
It's phenomenal! And real.
Okay I'm icing my cake now so I gotta go, but that was pretty much all I needed to say :)
God Bless you.
xxxxxx
OKAY. LET'S BEGIN. AND CHANGE FONT. 'CAUSE I'M COOL LIKE THAT.
Sarah Louise Parsons' testimony.
Win! Oh wait I don't want it big or in this colour! Damnit. Hold on...
Better? Okay. Let's begin. Actually I should probs bring my laptop chord in here so I can write without my laptop turning off randomly.
Right, let's start from the beginning shall we? Okay!
Since I was a little girl, I spent a lot of time being made fun of, being bullied by my whole class in primary school, I can still picture my supposed best friends running off to the other side of the playground just to point and laugh at me, which I know sounds slightly pathetic, but when you are 4 years old and you have no friends, this kinda thing was a huge deal! And things at home were, err.. let's say; not ideal! I'm not going to spend time slating my family, because I love them all to bits and we actually all get along terribly well. Circumstances just didn't make functioning all that easy. But while I'm here, I just want to say that actually I couldn't have asked for a more supporting and loving family. They have given me so much joy over the years and I love them so much. But as I previously said, things weren't going so well at home. So basically, from a young age I never really understood what it meant to be loved or to have anyone love me.
I was brought up as a Christian and have always understood the basics of Christianity, that Jesus died for my sins. It was something I simply lived in the reality of rather than truly understood. But even since I was a little girl Jesus was someone I was sincerely passionate about. My mum has repreated many a time when I would run around asking people whether they knew Jesus, and tell them off for saying xmas instead of CHRISTmas, which makes me smile. Despite making many a person uncomfortable. But either way, Jesus was always my number 1.
But despite my strong faith, I still was miserable, bullying had got a lot worse to that of reception years, being asked why I was even still around because everyone in the year hated me. I used to cry practically every day at home, and my dad decided that I needed to learn to stand up for myself, so refused to let my sister stand up for me. So one day when I came home to find my dad shouting at my elder sister for trying to tell those of my year off I decided that meant they obviously felt the same way everyone I knew felt, which I now know to be completely false.
Then I went to secondary school, and was given the chance to become a person that didn't cry all the time. Unfortunately, I became insanely loud and rather hyper, so although I thought I was really cool and hilarious, most people just found my annoying. So I never really had any friends then either. Over the years I calmed down though, thank goodness for that! But as I started making new friends I also entered into teenage girl world, which is naturally a lot of bitching! And found out that a lot of my friends secretly hated me. With one of them actually sending emails round to all my friendship group asking how to get rid of me, as just one example of what went on during those years.
So when (oh no now I need code names for privacy purposes. damnit. okay. let's call this boy clive) Clive came along in year 9, I finally learnt what it was like to have a true friend. It was life-changing. Things were getting caotic at home, and my depression was in its early days. And he was there for me, in a way that I never previously experienced. So naturally I became rather attached to this particular friendship. Clive made my smile more than I had ever known possible, and made me feel like I finally had worth. And he practically became my idol. This I know to be truth, and although I am utterly ashamed by this fact, I'm not gonna lie and pretend this was not the case. I still knew God and considered myself a Christian, but I still didn't know God's love or his friendship.
But a depencing on Clive was unhealthy, and eventually this had to change. When I realised I was going to lose this valid friendship my world went into ruin. I was so afraid of losing the one thing that had ever made me feel good about myself that I clung on, and in this process my depression began. I quickly downspiralled into a world of suicide and depression. I'm not gonna go into details, mainly because it is still incredibly scaring, but to say the least, it is the worst feeling in the world. I felt isolated, I felt so awful, I lost hope in the world, and I cried almost everyday, I didn't have the energy to do anything, and for two years I yelled at God asking why he would do this to me, still clearly not understanding his true nature. I hated the world, but I still had Clive. He, naively, believed he was the cause of my depression, and therefore took it upon himself to save me. And before long, he realised it wasn't working. Our friendship was not healthy, in forthsight I understand this now. And it had to end at one point. At which it did. And I was heartbroken, but God had hold of me.
And slowly, but surely, I was making my way home, back into the arms of the maker of the universe.
It took me a very long time to finally let go of that friendship, to enter into a world with no depency on anyone, and I was still very much in the midst of depression, but I was returning to church, and praying for a way out. And then one day, I went for a walk by my house. Screaming at God I asked for some hope, a glimse at what life could be, and then I look up in the pouring rain, and this single cloud opened, and the sun shone for all of 5 minutes, and this massive rainbow appears right before my eyes. And in that 5 minutes, hope began to arise. And from that point onwards the cloud over my life was lifting. After spiritual counselling, God healed me. That cloud disapeered completely, and although I had no idea what to do with myself, I no longer was depressed, I no longer wanted to end my life, I no longer felt I miserable. I opened my heart to God, and gave him everything within me, and he lifted me out of that hole. He'd been wanting to do it for ages, I just never gave him the chance.
And ever since then he has blessed me eternally. It took me 17 years of solid trying to realise that God really did love me, and I've been reeping in the joys of Christianity ever since! God's given me a plan for my life; to become a counsellor.
I still have struggles, I don't trust anyone. At all. Except God that is, I'm still very lonely, and I see life very much through my rejection glasses, but it's okay:) I have hope in Jesus and his glory through healing me has shown me quite how real he is.
I know, in my heart, that I would never have gotten out of depression on my own. Those close to me at the time will know this, I was literally out of control. Only God could have gotten me out, and that is how I know of is love for me, and his existence. Christianity is someone I have simply always lived in the reality of. But I know it to be true, and I have found such hope in it.
I can understand why some people have a problem with Christianity, some guy says he's God and we're all supposed to just believe it? Yeah just a bit skeptical... but actually I just encourage you to read the BIBLE and pray and just explore Christianity in its fulness. Or Just read the shack. It just makes sense when you see it in its purest form, and see the power it has over peoples lives.
It's phenomenal! And real.
Okay I'm icing my cake now so I gotta go, but that was pretty much all I needed to say :)
God Bless you.
xxxxxx
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