Thursday, 27 September 2012

Honestly

So, I haven't written in a while. I don't really have any reasons why, it's simply because I haven't had anything to write! But I was thinking about well, two seconds ago and I thought- why not just write out how I'm feeling. 

Basics. I feel weird. I guess that's the only way I can put it. I feel like the people in my life are friends who look after me but I don't get to look after them, and that is hard. Don't get me wrong, I have the best support network in the history of awesomeness with people who love me. And I love them. A lot. But I feel like people see me as someone who cannot help them because I'm a little unstable sometimes, but actually, what I love more than well, most things except Jesus, is helping. Being able to encourage and love my friends to be the best they can be and support them in their problems once in a while. I don't think they realise that this is one of the things that I actually love about life, is counselling and just being able to love them all. 

So yeah. This is a weird post but basically - I WANT TO HELP. Don't be afraid to ask me for help, don't assume that I'm not okay enough to talk about it, or look out for you. Yeah. That's about it. 

Wednesday, 5 September 2012

We sing la la la la, la la

I love music. I listen to it all the time. And as I was listening to some lovely music I was thinking about how many songs remind me about other people. How much I care about them, how I want them to be okay. So I want to write out a playlist of love for those closest to me. If I love you and you're reading this, see how much I care about you, and take them seriously. I love you. I love you I love you I love you. Yup. ♥

♥ Stay Beautiful - Taylor Swift
♥ I'm Only Me When I'm With You - Taylor Swift
♥ Come So Far (Got So Far To Go) - Hairspray
♥ Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) - Greenday
♥ What Makes You Different (Makes You Beautiful) - Backstreet Boys
♥ Last Train Home- Ryan Star
♥ Wherever You Will Go - The Calling
♥ Ultimate - Lindsay Lohan

Haha. They're all so cheesy right?! I have a lot of other songs but I think that'll do for now :)

Here I go Again

I am ridiculous sometimes. Gah. 

For some reason, I always need some ridiculous amount of company. I don't mind being on my own, as long as I know I'm still talking to people via text, having a message/letter to reply to. But if I'm on my own I get ridiculously sad and a little desperate.

I don't know why I do it, or why I even care, I'm a very entertaining person and generally tend to get along with myself. But the moment I stop talking to any person I get ridiculous. And so so sad. I'm just a tad lonely.

I can't wait to see my friends in Sheffield again. I'm excited ♥ Anyway, does anybody have some ideas on how to feel better about this?

How long must I wrestle?

Hey friends.

For those of you whom want to know what this feels like, I found the perfect verse in the Bible to explain my feelings. How awesome is that?! I mean, God totally understands, he has this IN the Bible! It matters, it's a real thing. That's nice to hear.
ANYWAY. Shall I give you the verse now? 

Psalm 13

'How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, 'I have overcome him,' and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord's praise, for he has been good to me.'

I'm not too sure why I decided I wanted to put this in a post, but I guess I just want people to be able to understand, to be able to let them in when I have no words to describe what's going on inside my head, and when I read this verse I was just like.. YES. This is so true. Not completely what it is but enough to let you into my life a little bit. Basically, it sucks.

Monday, 3 September 2012

Just want to feel okay again

I promised myself I would stop doing this, but I just can't help it. Mumma says I need to do things to stop myself from moping around the house, and I just can't think of anything else to do right now. MORE SILLY QUESTIONS again (: I should learn to be able to put these in a place where you don't have to read them with my serious posts. Someday...

1. What is your first name?: Sarah. :)
2. Do you enjoy school?: Hmm, not so much. But I do like uni, and learning.
3. Are you a girly girl?: In some aspects. I love romantic films and wearing dresses, but I also love watching football and well, most sports on tv (:
4. Who was the last person you hugged?: I believe it was my sister Judith this afternoon. I  love hugging, we should do it more often.
5. Small or large purses?: Are we talking like, purses as in bags (American style) 'cause then I prefer small ones, I have a pretty big purse at the moment and it's gorgeous (:
6. Are you short?: Not particularly, I'm not like, insanely tall but I like to think I'm above average :)
7. Do you like somebody?: Yes.
8. What would you do if someone smacked your butt?: Depends on who it was. I had a stranger do it once and I was proper annoyed. If it were a friend or something, I'd probably laugh.
9. Do you care if your socks are dirty?: Well they tend to go in the wash as soon as I've worn them so I don't really know.
10. Do you dress up on Halloween?: This year I did! Although it wasn't really dressing up FOR Halloween, it just happened to be Halloween, we dressed up as 'scary tarts,' it was an interesting night!
11. Are you double jointed?: Not as far as I'm aware.
12. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?: Haha, yeah let's not go there. 
13. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours?: No they have not.
14. Do you call anybody by their last name?: I do. But not that often, I'm more likely to shout their whole name, I'm that kinda person, plus it feels just that little bit more personal ya'no?


"X" Marks the Spot:
[x] I do wear make up (Only sometimes!)
[x] I have cried at a movie theater.
[x] I can put mascara on without opening my mouth.
[x] I get jealous
[x] I think Zac Efron is sexy.
[x] I love to laugh.
[x] I like death/grind/black metal.
[] I like rap
[x] I like country/
[] I carry a purse.
[x] I'd be lost without my computer.
[x] I own a Spice Girls CD.
[x] I own a Britney Spears CD.
[x] I own a boy band CD.
[] I get bored watching football.
[] I've never been called a spoiled brat.
[x] Guys are confusing.
[x] I've been called a bad influence.
[] I have/had a piercing other than my ears.

15. What colour is the bra that you're wearing?: Purple.
16. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?: Dark please :)
17: Are you currently frustrated with a boy?: Oh man all the time.
18. Do you have a best friend(s)?: I do indeed. :)
19. Have you had your heart broken? Oh boy have I?!
20. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery? Yeah definitely not...
21. Do you like your life?: Yes I do.
22. Has one of your friends ever stolen a boyfriend from you?: Not officially. It's a long story.
23. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?: I have indeed.
24. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?: Oooh I'm not sure actually! I get along better with guys, but I have a few very lovely girlfriends whom are my faves.
25. How long have you had Facebook?: Hmmm, since the beginning of year 10.
26. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?: Oh yes I have.
27. What are you biggest fears?: Yeah that's a little too deep for a short survey. Mostly though, rejection.
28. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yes.
29. Have you ever not been able to get someone off your mind?: I have. But I think it was more because I wanted to like someone enough to get them off of my mind, rather than actually having them on my mind without realising, like, they mean that much to me.
30. Do you believe in the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater"?: I most certainly do not.
31. Have you ever had a good feeling about something?: I have.
32. Do you ever wish you were famous? Sometimes, right now though, I think I'm okay with not being so.
33. Are you currently missing someone?: Rather a lot. A lot, a lot a lot.


This guy or that guy?

Punk/Goth or Gangster?: Hmm? I guess I'd go for punk. Although tbh I probably wouldn't go for any of them, not that I have any problem with them, they're just not my type.
Preppy or Cowboy?: Cowboy. It has been a complete dream to marry a cowboy.
Face or Body?: Face.
Sweet or Sexy?: Awwh man can't they be both?
Well-educated or Dropout?: It depends on why they're a dropout...
City-Slicker or Rural Guy?: Hmm doesn't really matter. I love the country though.
Blue, Green, Grey, or Brown eyes?: As long as they're gorgey I don't really mind.



I remember everything

I'm not entirely sure what the point of this post is meant to be, so I apologise if it's even more rambly than normal. Okay. So let's just start and see where we end up hey?

That quote up there, is one by the
gorgeous Pacey Witter. And yes, he is a fictional character. Well, Joshua Jackson, the man who plays this person is gorgeous, but his personality is well- not quite the same I would imagine! Joshua Jackson was one of my first celebrity crushes from the mighty ducks, but when I accidentally stumbled upon Dawson's Creek (which, actually, happened after searching for cute quotes for this blog and it turned out this programme had lots of them, so I decided to watch it,) and saw him as this character, oh boy I fell. 

But I realised something recently, I am terrified of the real thing. I fall for fictional characters all the time (Edward Cullen, Seth Cohen, Nathan Scott, Lucas Scott, Dr McDreamy, Callum McGregor, Noah Calhoun .. and I could go on for days.) Through reading many romantic novels and watching teenage dramas I just fall for the most obvious guys, the ones that the writers clearly make up to attract more viewers. And I just wish they were real. And I want their relationships in said story to work out, because I want them to be happy. Genuinely, when Seth and Summer broke up the first time and he was really depressed towards the end of season 2, I was horrific, just so sad. It was ridiculous I admit, but I get that obsessed with it. 

Now I've been dreaming of my perfect wedding for the longest time, been asking adults about babies since I was 8 years old (literally) and just waiting for my own perfect romance, with the guy of my dreams. But the problem is, I have been so crushed in the past from my one last serious relationship, I refuse to let guys know how I really feel. I'll tell other people, and let myself like them probably more than I would do normally, just to have someone to like, as a sort of possibility to make sure my hopes of marriage are still alive, but I would never dream about doing anything about them. (Well, not intentionally anyway.) I am just so so scared of having that dream taken from underneath me that I don't even bother to take any risks. So I fall for characters I will never meet and keep myself trapped in a half-life. I don't like this about myself, but I know it's definitely true.

So yes, the challenge for myself, and you, if you go through the same sorts of things, is to learn to not be afraid. So when that perfect person comes along, we don't miss out because we're too scared to do anything about it. Don't waste your time on people that aren't real, or you might just miss them.

Sunday, 2 September 2012

Now that I see you

Woo. Time for some fun questions!
Don't worry guys, it isn't one of those surveys I like doing sometimes, although it is slightly similar.
I thought I'd just give you a little glimpse into my life at the moment, so I'm gonna ask some classic 'd&m' questions (:

What have you been thinking about lately?
How awesome Jesus is, I know I say things like this all the time, but I've been really contemplating it at the moment, and I just fall more and more in love with him. I realised that some of the only times I don't feel depressed is at Church, and I know that has something to do with the Joy of the Lord (Nehemiah 8:10) , and I just want to learn about how to put that into my normal life, not just simply on a Sunday morning.

What's been on your mind?
Isn't that the same question as before? I guess it is slightly different. I have been thinking about Jesus, (standard), and what I'm going to do with myself back at university, and how to get a schedule and see the doctors and basically, trying to sort my life out.

What are you excited about at the moment?
Hmm.. seeing my lovely friends again, I'm not really looking forward to leaving home and everything for another year, but I have made some amazing friends in Sheffield and I cannot wait to have them in my lief again. I love them so much. Especially YOU.

When was the last time you made a difference to somebody?
Honestly? I have no idea. I like to think I inspire people when I'm at the front of Church on the worship team, so that would be this morning. But I was wearing an old jumper and my family were making jokes about me being a grunge worship leader.. so I'm not really sure.
That sucks actually, because I care about my friends BIG TIME and I really want to help their lives be the best they can be, but I can't think of when I last did that. Gutted.

Who are you really happy for at the moment?
My sisters. They are absolutely amazing. Judith is doing amazing things with her Christian Union in Cardiff, and I'm so excited for what God's gonna do through her life. And Hazel has just gotten her first job, and within a year she'll be qualified to be a personal trainer! I'm so proud of how well she's doing.

When was the last time you felt inspired?
Earlier today, whilst I was writing my recent thoughts of prayer in my Christian Journal thingabob. Just really thinking about what I believe about it and why I do, I'm really getting somewhere. :)

If you could be in your dream place at the moment what would you be doing?
I would be, with my beauts best friends, on the beach in Spain, or just in southern Spain during the summer, just having amazing fellowship and loving God. Or you know.. I would be married and on my honeymoon with the perfect guy, that would be pretty cool too.

If somebody was describing your personality what would they say?
I'm not sure, a lot of people say I'm 'highly strung' but they would also say that I always have a smile on my face, and that I am compassionate and care about everyone I know. They would also say that I am a complete child at heart, whilst watching glee and disney films etc. And that I talk about Jesus way more than I should do (in their opinion.) I imagine they would say some of my many faults too.

What are you most proud of?
How far I've come in my relationship with God this year. I love him so so much. He has bee the biggest support of my life and has blessed me with so many things. I love the fact I'm learning to not hold back in my relationship with him, that I get excited about doing my Bible Study every night before I go to sleep (am currently reading Ezekiel) and that instead of blaming him for my circumstances, I thank him for getting me through it.

What's been tempting you lately?
Hahaha. A boy. Ridiculous huh?! I seriously hope he doesn't read this. But yeah, I have this friend who likes to spend his time trying in vain to send pictures of myself to him, and basically just flirting with me a LOT. And it's really fun ya'no, the banter that comes from it all (obviously I have never sent such a picture) and it makes me feel so good about myself, that at least one person finds me attractive. But there's a guy whom I really like, like, really like, and I don't want to screw that up on a fleeting flirt. But I don't think he sees me that way anyway so what's the point? Oh man. I'm gonna regret writing this.Or letting people see it. But hey I decided to be honest right?

What's been the one most consistent thing in your life?
Jesus. Obviously. But seeing as how I treat him has gotten better and worse over the years, I would have to say the love of my parents. 


I think that'll do. Most answers to my questions are simply about Jesus. ♥ I guess that is the best thing it can be, the most important and best part of my life is the God I love. He is becoming my number one priority more and more each day and I am LOVING IT.

When will my life begin?

HEY FRIENDS.
New post time! It's only been what, a week? I'm not really sure!
So yes, if you know me, or just happen to follow me on twitter, you will know one thing for sures, I LOVE DISNEY. Like, really really love it, almost to the point of obsession. And especially their newest film Tangled (well.. technically it's wreck it ralph but that hasn't come out just yet...) It is AWESOME. And I like singing to all its songs and wonderfulness. Anyway, this is not the point. (I have got to learn to stop rambling.)

At the beginning of the film she sings this song 'when will my life begin?' Which is all about her wanting to leave the tower because well, she's lived their her whole life and doesn't have much to do with her life. Actually, I'm gonna post the song here- 'cause I loves it. 
So yeah, whilst I was watching it one day, I just was thinking about it and was like- well, when does life actually start? People are always quoting things like, 'everybody dies, but few people live' and whatnot. But my thoughts were, What actually counts as living? Doing those things that you really love. Or at least, that's all I've figured out so far. 
And I realised quite how often we stop ourselves from being able to live, due to fear, or boredom, or just so many reasons. I know I do! Rapunzel here, her life barely has begun because she is forced in a tower for the first 18 years of life, but how often do we just never realise that we could open that door and go out into the world? We keep ourselves in the tower, yet make statements about how we should be living our lives to the full and all those things. But do we actually go out or do it, or do we just talk about how cool it would be to do so?
This is just as much for me as for you, I spend most of my life just waiting for the next thing to happen to me, watching various episodes of Dawson's Creek and falling in love with fictional characters whom I know will never be able to hurt me. So yes, this post is a challenge.

Are we stopping ourselves from living life? And why? Do you even want to live life to the full? Jesus wants you to, and so do I.


Okay. That'll do huh?!