Okay friends. I've got a lot to say but I'm not sure how to (standard) so I'm just gonna keep on typing and hope my point comes out. I've never been very good at explaining myself. ANYWAY.
So this week has been pretty, well- I want to use a swear word that rhymes with pretty, and not because of any circumstances, but rather because my depression has SUCKED and decided to come and bear its ugly face. This is mostly because I missed a few days of my medication a few weeks ago but there we go.
My depression this week has manifested itself in several different ways though, and I think I just want to tell you guys about how it manifests, just for some better understanding. Does that sound okay? Sure.
Okay so the first type (it's not actually in order it's just me recalling my week) is obsessively teary. So I woke up one morning and could not stop crying, not just like tearing up but properly bawling every few minutes. I needed to do anything except cry so I went into uni to get some work done and walked at a snails pace (which by the way, is very unusual for me). The only way I can really describe it is that I was just hysterical.
Okay so should I mention maybe about what to do when I'm in such a state? Yeah why not. Not that I really know the answer to this myself but whatevs. (I need to learn to be concise, lets just hope its slightly endearing huh?) When I'm in this state, no matter how badly I want to avoid it, I need to cry. I need to get my hurt out of my system, and as my body doesn't really let me cry (that hard) anymore, when I'm in this sort of mood it's pretty important to let it out. So my best advice is to hug me and let me cry. I will be mortified but retrospectively it's what I need.
Okay (this is my third paragraph where the first word is 'okay' - what is up with THAT?! Anway..) the next type, mmmmm, I think it might be where I'm almost dead to the world (in my head, if that makes sense.) Like, I'll be there and talk and laugh and whatever else, but often I will just be silent after that and my brain will just go into upsettness. Again, this makes no sense but it's the only way I can explain it. This type is definitely the most common, it'll often involve me zoning out I think.
Wow okay, I don't even know how to look after me in such a state, normally I just hate everything so I phone my mum or my sister, two people who listen to me rant on about absolutely nothing, mostly saying things like URGH I HATE EVERYTHING. So I think this is what it is, this is the kinda day where I just need constant company. (wow that sounds needy!) I'll probably need hugs (but when don't I so it's not essential) but that can be anything from snapchats to watsapp to texting to calling to pretty much, anything that has me in contact with someone. I have no idea how this works but it seems to. And while you're there if you can force me to maybe do some work and/or eat that might be an idea.
Oh man there's definitely a third type (and probably more) but my brain has gone to blank! Standard.
So there we go guys, I hope this has been a useful insight into the life of a depressed person. To be honest, I have no idea how it manifests in other people, but having some insight is better than none right?
No pressure from this post by the way guys! As much as this has been a really hard week and I do need my support, much more than I admit, this was more about opening peoples eyes to what it's like, at least for this woman, to have depression. It's got nothing to do with the circumstances, (especially as my life is pretty blessed!) and I have no idea what sets it off or what makes one day worse than another, all I know is that most days suck so I've just gotta keep moving forward. (As Walt Disney would say)
Also you know, prayers are always nice, so if you don't know how to support someone with depression, praying for them is never gonna be a bad thing! Especially as God knows much better about what would be best for the person than anyone or anything else!
Okay so there we go! God bless you guys.
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