blurggggggggh.

Oh for flips sake.
You know when I talk about how I've been healed from my depression and everything? Yeah. Complete and utter lie. Well. It's only half true. -_-
For the most part, my reactive depression has been healed. Definately.
I get these phases. About once every month. Every two months at maximum. And I just break down. No matter what I do the darkness embodies my life. I know that sounds ridiculously dramatic and tbh I probably am exaggerating just a little bit. Tbh I can't really tell right now. But I just feel like breaking down every few minutes. I can't hold a normal conversation without going insane at least once. Luckily it's mostly in my head so I can fake it about 90% of the time. But right now I feel absolutely awful. I don't know what to do with myself. Blurggggggggggggh. I am in desperate need of Jesus. But I've been too much in a funk to even remember to try and talk to him. To open up one single bit. I just forget.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Time to start praying.



once more I've kinda forgotten the point of my post. I think I just needed to admit I'm not okay. Because I've always been too closed to admit it. There are other people with much worse lives than mine. My life is actually been damn good, I got into the university of my dreams (literally) and I have a loving family, and a FANTASTIC God. So most of the time I just feel like I don't deserve to admit I'm not okay. But I guess if this is actual depression I don't really have a choice. If I want to get better I need to admit it. First and foremost.