It was. My last EVER meeting at devotion! Crazy huh? It's like.. the last 6 years of my life and it's all over.
But as I was sat there tonight led against the pillar watching all these kids run around and generally go about their devotion ways, I realised what lack of a difference I've made to this youth group. And that was absolutely horrible. Like. If I never come back no void will ever be filled. Like. I know that sounds selfish of me but it's still something everyone wants to know, like, if we were to die would we have made an impact on the planet? And the horrible part is that I realised that is exactly how it is right now.
Ridiculous. -_-
I just feel so insignificant. That's a problem I've always had but particuarly at this moment? It's very strong.
The only two things I've ever made an impact on is the CU and the kids in Romania.
And the CU have moved on without me completely without ease. And the kids in Romania already prefer talking to my little sister who they've never met. It feels like a complete stab at the heart. It breaks me ya'no? People who you care about so much just don't really mind the fact you're not gonna see them for ages. Ask someone they've never met whether she's missing them. Absolutely flipping ridiculous.
Man this post is depressing. Woops :/
Again though, at least I'm being honest hey?
But when I was stood there at devotion, I was reading this banner whcih said this amazing thing. Except that I can't quite remember. It was something like.. "and I said to my beloved, it's time to move on. The rain has gone and the flowers are blooming." <- That's just parts of it I can remember! But it was like God was saying to me- It's time to move on- you're ready! You'll make a difference!"
And tbh. That's all I needed to hear. That I'm ready to leave home. Ready to move on with my life. Ready to maybe not be at home this Christmas.
Crazy huh? I'm officially an adult now. Living on my own. Making my own way in the world. ahhhhhhhh. Here we go..
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