Number One.

Okay. I haven't blogged in a very long time. Not really since I got healed, but I keep getting all these thoughts, and I have no one to share them with, so I decided to put them into a blog. Cause I'm cool like that :) OOoh change of colour! That's a little bit exciting. Soooooo.. as I started writing this post I had a very sudden need to share my testimony. As a lot of these posts will probably be Christian I guess it'll make sense for it to have a context for those who are reading it. So yeah. Okay let's write my testimony. It's pretty long so if you're reading this I apologise in advance. Also I tend to go off on tangents sometimes so if I do that well.. I'm sorry! But you might as well know before I start so you can just skim at that point until you make it back to the general gist of things.
OKAY. LET'S BEGIN. AND CHANGE FONT. 'CAUSE I'M COOL LIKE THAT.

Sarah Louise Parsons' testimony.
Win! Oh wait I don't want it big or in this colour! Damnit. Hold on...
Better? Okay. Let's begin. Actually I should probs bring my laptop chord in here so I can write without my laptop turning off randomly.
Right, let's start from the beginning shall we? Okay!

Since I was a little girl, I spent a lot of time being made fun of, being bullied by my whole class in primary school, I can still picture my supposed best friends running off to the other side of the playground just to point and laugh at me, which I know sounds slightly pathetic, but when you are 4 years old and you have no friends, this kinda thing was a huge deal! And things at home were, err.. let's say; not ideal! I'm not going to spend time slating my family, because I love them all to bits and we actually all get along terribly well. Circumstances just didn't make functioning all that easy. But while I'm here, I just want to say that actually I couldn't have asked for a more supporting and loving family. They have given me so much joy over the years and I love them so much. But as I previously said, things weren't going so well at home. So basically, from a young age I never really understood what it meant to be loved or to have anyone love me.
I was brought up as a Christian and have always understood the basics of Christianity, that Jesus died for my sins. It was something I simply lived in the reality of rather than truly understood. But even since I was a little girl Jesus was someone I was sincerely passionate about. My mum has repreated many a time when I would run around asking people whether they knew Jesus, and tell them off for saying xmas instead of CHRISTmas, which makes me smile. Despite making many a person uncomfortable. But either way, Jesus was always my number 1.
But despite my strong faith, I still was miserable, bullying had got a lot worse to that of reception years, being asked why I was even still around because everyone in the year hated me. I used to cry practically every day at home, and my dad decided that I needed to learn to stand up for myself, so refused to let my sister stand up for me. So one day when I came home to find my dad shouting at my elder sister for trying to tell those of my year off I decided that meant they obviously felt the same way everyone I knew felt, which I now know to be completely false.
Then I went to secondary school, and was given the chance to become a person that didn't cry all the time. Unfortunately, I became insanely loud and rather hyper, so although I thought I was really cool and hilarious, most people just found my annoying. So I never really had any friends then either. Over the years I calmed down though, thank goodness for that! But as I started making new friends I also entered into teenage girl world, which is naturally a lot of bitching! And found out that a lot of my friends secretly hated me. With one of them actually sending emails round to all my friendship group asking how to get rid of me, as just one example of what went on during those years.
So when (oh no now I need code names for privacy purposes. damnit. okay. let's call this boy clive) Clive came along in year 9, I finally learnt what it was like to have a true friend. It was life-changing. Things were getting caotic at home, and my depression was in its early days. And he was there for me, in a way that I never previously experienced. So naturally I became rather attached to this particular friendship. Clive made my smile more than I had ever known possible, and made me feel like I finally had worth. And he practically became my idol. This I know to be truth, and although I am utterly ashamed by this fact, I'm not gonna lie and pretend this was not the case. I still knew God and considered myself a Christian, but I still didn't know God's love or his friendship.
But a depencing on Clive was unhealthy, and eventually this had to change. When I realised I was going to lose this valid friendship my world went into ruin. I was so afraid of losing the one thing that had ever made me feel good about myself that I clung on, and in this process my depression began. I quickly downspiralled into a world of suicide and depression. I'm not gonna go into details, mainly because it is still incredibly scaring, but to say the least, it is the worst feeling in the world. I felt isolated, I felt so awful, I lost hope in the world, and I cried almost everyday, I didn't have the energy to do anything, and for two years I yelled at God asking why he would do this to me, still clearly not understanding his true nature. I hated the world, but I still had Clive. He, naively, believed he was the cause of my depression, and therefore took it upon himself to save me. And before long, he realised it wasn't working. Our friendship was not healthy, in forthsight I understand this now. And it had to end at one point. At which it did. And I was heartbroken, but God had hold of me.
And slowly, but surely, I was making my way home, back into the arms of the maker of the universe.
It took me a very long time to finally let go of that friendship, to enter into a world with no depency on anyone, and I was still very much in the midst of depression, but I was returning to church, and praying for a way out. And then one day, I went for a walk by my house. Screaming at God I asked for some hope, a glimse at what life could be, and then I look up in the pouring rain, and this single cloud opened, and the sun shone for all of 5 minutes, and this massive rainbow appears right before my eyes. And in that 5 minutes, hope began to arise. And from that point onwards the cloud over my life was lifting. After spiritual counselling, God healed me. That cloud disapeered completely, and although I had no idea what to do with myself, I no longer was depressed, I no longer wanted to end my life, I no longer felt I miserable. I opened my heart to God, and gave him everything within me, and he lifted me out of that hole. He'd been wanting to do it for ages, I just never gave him the chance.
And ever since then he has blessed me eternally. It took me 17 years of solid trying to realise that God really did love me, and I've been reeping in the joys of Christianity ever since! God's given me a plan for my life; to become a counsellor.
I still have struggles, I don't trust anyone. At all. Except God that is, I'm still very lonely, and I see life very much through my rejection glasses, but it's okay:) I have hope in Jesus and his glory through healing me has shown me quite how real he is.
I know, in my heart, that I would never have gotten out of depression on my own. Those close to me at the time will know this, I was literally out of control. Only God could have gotten me out, and that is how I know of is love for me, and his existence. Christianity is someone I have simply always lived in the reality of. But I know it to be true, and I have found such hope in it.
I can understand why some people have a problem with Christianity, some guy says he's God and we're all supposed to just believe it? Yeah just a bit skeptical... but actually I just encourage you to read the BIBLE and pray and just explore Christianity in its fulness. Or Just read the shack. It just makes sense when you see it in its purest form, and see the power it has over peoples lives.
It's phenomenal! And real.
Okay I'm icing my cake now so I gotta go, but that was pretty much all I needed to say :)
God Bless you.
xxxxxx